My Therapy

I have suffered from Anxiety and Depression for years without anyone recognizing it.
Only after a wise Family Practice Doctor spotted me, did I know that my "not feeling well" symptoms wasn't a virus. I went in to the Dr. and told him about my headaches and body aches. He checked me out and started asking me about my eating habits, which were not good, and sleeping patterns, also not good, school, stress, etc. He asked if I had ever been treated for my Depression and Anxiety. I looked at him and started to cry.

As I now battle Postpartum Depression, and it's a beast, I look back on the years and notice that my ups and downs are sometimes triggered by my environment, the situation, but a lot of times.......how I feel about myself.
one definition of depression is: a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity. Depression is often linked with low self-esteem and in my opinion, makes matters much worse.

Bleu and I were having a discussion on the phone and he was very confused at why I was feeling so inadequate, sad and like I had failed. It just didn't make any sense to him and when he repeated it back, it didn't make sense to me either, but that's how I felt. So Bleu talked to me and finally convinced me that I was an amazing woman and had done so well with everything that was happening and he called me Super Woman. He said that I need to learn how to be more confident on my own because he might not be here all the time to remind me. He also frankly told me that he was tired of hearing me say things that put myself down because it's not true.


So since there is no Super Woman, I found this Wonder Woman Notebook. And the first page says:

I AM WONDER WOMAN!

This is my Wonder Woman notebook. Sometimes I need to remind myself and be reminded by Bleu and others that I'm not as bad as I think. I can't depend on others to keep reminding me, so this is my way of reminding myself that I'm great. So this is where I can write down the reasons that I'm Wonder Woman. Also, I hope that Bleu will contribute so that when he's gone, I can read what he wrote.

The main things that Bleu has me try to remember are:
keep thinking about good things
Bleu loves me very much
I'm doing a good job
I'm beautiful

My WW book only has a few pages filled, but it's a start. I've already had to re-read and remind myself a few times.... but that's what it's for. I've also printed some of the comments from a lot of you that read this blog that have made me feel so good. They are taped in the pages. I have a picture of Rosie the Riveter, and an email from a friend that made me feel good. When I told mom about it, she said it was a good idea, and wrote a letter in it, too.

Somedays I'm WW because I shared my testimony with someone, or touched someone in some way. Other days I'm WW because I got out of bed at nine instead of ten. I also write things that make me feel good like smelling lilacs at the park or knowing that Bleu loves me.

Today I'm Wonder Woman because I am so proud of my son and know that he has taught so many people more than I could ever imagine already.

I would really love for you, whoever is reading, to write a note, letter, whatever to Wonder Woman and share your testimony with me. They make me feel the best! It will all go into the WW notebook to help me remember on bad days. And if Tristan has taught you something, please --I would love to know because I might not have learned it yet. I love you so much--everyone who has been here for me.