Sunday, January 4, 2009

Well Bleu has come and gone. It seems like the two weeks before lasted forever and the two weeks we spent together passed in no time at all. It was a great Christmas Vacation away from 60 smelly guys for him, though. He said a few times that I smelled SO MUCH better than any of them. :)

When I talked to him the Sunday before he came home, he said that he was going to try and change his flight plans when he got to the airport because he would be spending some of the night and most of the day in the airport. So at 6:30 am on Thursday, December 18th, I got a text message from him saying that he got a flight that would get him to Salt Lake by 6:50 that night instead of the original plan of 11:50. I was excited. I planned on working till 5, running some errands, and that would give me just enough time to get to the airport in time to pick him up. So the hours creeped on that day. Then while talking idly with some co-workers about nothing in particular, I heard Jodee, a girl at work just outside the door yelling "oh my gosh! HI! I hardly recognized you!!" and I thought, "geez, who is she talking to?"

And guess who came bursting, and running through the door!? My sweetheart husband, Bleu. I jumped off of my chair and he nearly knocked me over hugging me. After he caught his breath from running, he explained that he'd changed his flight plans again, but didn't tell me because he wanted to surprise me. Boy did he. It was great. But the funny part was how he got to WesTech.

He was sitting next to an older couple on the plane, the man being pretty fragile and on oxygen. He kindly asked if they needed help with their large luggage, and they said, "oh, that would be so nice, thank you!" and he replied with.. "Good, and then can I have a ride?" The couple was from Pleasant Grove, so Murray was not out of the way and they were thrilled to help the handsome soldier. :)

We had a great Christmas and an adventure going up to mom's in the snow storm. Let's just say that Malad Pass upheld it's name in my opinion. I'm glad I was asleep for a lot of it.

One request that Bleu had was that he could come to a doctor's appointment with me.... Specifically an ultrasound. So after talking with Dr. Luikenaar we scheduled one the morning of New Year's Eve.

The appointment was at 8:20 so we were there just after 8 to check in. The Stenographer was really nice and fun to joke with. She said that because I was 16 weeks instead of 18 weeks, there were some things that we won't be able to see because they aren't fully developed yet. But for 16 weeks, the baby was developing at the right pace.

She measured the head, and head to rump and everything was just the right size, the heart was pumping strong and steady, and at the right pace. She said that she was sending all of the pictures to a doctor, and that she would come in soon.

She asked if we wanted to know the gender and I told her that if she's sure, then to tell me, but if there is any "maybe" that I don't want to know. She laughed and said, "Oh, I'm pretty sure." She moved the sensor around a little and announced at the very same time that I saw loud and clear on the screen. "It's a boy." He's not shy about it either.

So the Doctor came in (not mine, but the one on duty at the time) and took over with the ultrasound. She was looking a little more thoroughly, said that she wanted him to open his hands so we can count fingers. So they giggled him around, and the stubborn little rug rat was asleep and wasn't about to perform for anyone.

She was also trying to poke him around to get him to turn over because he was kindof sitting on his feet and they were turned in. So after about 5-10 minutes of using my belly as a trampoline, she said that there is a concern when a baby doesn't open their hands. And also, with his feet turned in they were looking like club feet. So between the two they wanted me to go to the University Hospital to have another ultrasound and hopefully he will have changed positions, maybe woken up by then.

This picture is the hardest one for others to make out. I've looked at it so many times that it's like cake. lol. Okay. So we are looking at him like he's laying sideways with his feet on the right side. The blobs on the left are his belly, and the circle in the middle is one of his knees. The oblong shape under that is his knee and shin, and the little thing at the end is his foot, toes facing the top of the screen, by his kneecap.. See how it turns in?? It's against the wall of the uterus in this picture. If you look close, you can see his other foot in the background going the opposite way.

So we saw Dr. Luikenaar next, and she said that there are a few things that could be happening.
1. He's asleep and curled up and stubborn.
2. he's sitting on his feet
3. there is a chance of a Chromosomal disorder causing the positions
4. there is a neurological disorder

So she said that if not much has changed at our next ultrasound, we may be given the option to have an amniocentesis, where a needle is inserted through the abdomen into the uterus to collect amniotic fluid for hormonal and chromosomal testing. But she wanted me to schedule another ultrasound to check up on him. So I'm having a follow-up ultrasound on the 27th of January.
So we went to the University Hospital and sure enough, after two different ultrasound machines, and shaking and bouncing him around, not much had changed. So a genetic counselor came and spoke with us about all of the possibilities and her "concerns"

She was one of those people that tried to make us feel better by wording things very gently. She was no help. I wanted facts and she spent most of the time trying to comfort me. She gave us a lot of "we don't know"s and worst case scenarios, which made me feel awful. Then talked about all of the different Chromosomal abnormalities and how some parents are "uncomfortable pursuing the pregnancy" in such a case. She was giving us abortion as an option.... I couldn't believe it. So with all of the mixed reviews and everything just being flooded into my brain, she said that they thought it would be a good idea to have an amniocentesis and explained that there is a 1 in 500 chance that it could cause a miscarriage but they believe that the advantages of having the test out way the risks, and if we find that there are these problems then we can go from there, but if we don't then we have some other tests that we can do and what do you think? We can do it right now if you'd like, just sign here stating that you know the chances of miscarriage, and here's your room the doctor will be right in. I felt like it was an avalanche of emotions and information and doubt, and confusion, I didn't know what else to do.

So we had an amniocentesis and I cried the whole time more from not knowing if we were doing the right thing than from the pain (don't get me wrong, the pain was more than enough to make me cry). But I'm done with tests. If we find out that there is a chromosomal problem then we will go from there. If not, then if there are any other problems they can wait till he's born. I won't love him any less no matter what. There are chances that he will be autistic, have edward's syndrome,(please don't look this up, it's not fun.) or even not make it at all. And we love him so much already.

So that's what is on our plate right now. I have had time to think about it and I feel Semi-prepared for anything that happens. I've miscarried once, so I know I can get through that. I know it's going to be quite the experience no matter what happens. I do ask for your prayers for him. I know that Heavenly Father has given us this assignment for a purpose, and I know that I'm stubbornly independent. This must be the only way He can get me to ask for help. I can do this, but I can't do this alone. I know that I will always have Bleu's support, and my family's support. I love you all and again, I ask for your prayers for our little boy. Thank you so much for being the wonderful, loving family that you are.


brant and katie said...

Sorry I didn't get to talk to you as long as I would have liked. You are such a trooper. You truly inspire me. I hope all is well with you and your baby. I am so excited for him to be here and part of our family. You will definatly be in my prayers. I love you. Let me know if I can do anything.

Torrie Nicholas said...

Mick I'm so excited for you to have a little Bleu baby. He is so cute already, and I know you will love him know matter what!!! I hate it when I hear of doctors even mentioning an abortion as an option. UGH We will keep all three of you in our prayers, hang in there. I'll talk to you soon!!

Love Ya


nEtTiE*sKeTtiE said...

Mick! What an exciting time of life! A baby boy! Have you thought of any names!? I'm sorry to hear of the problems but everything is going to be okay! And you know that! Yes! You have faith in your father in Heaven and guess what? That is what is most important! You know that he will do what is best for you, and as of right now, you are ahead of the game in the criteria than me. I have troubles with that and I worry and doubt so much! Stay strong! He loves you and he is blessing you with a beautiful baby boy! He isn't going to give you anything that you can't handle. I love you and will remember your whole family in my prayers, of course! Stay strong love, I'm right behind you ready to take on whatever it is with you. I'm here, I love you.


Matt and Heidi said...

He's going to be a beautiful little boy, just like his mommy and daddy! He's going to be lucky to have such wonderful and caring parents so strong in their faith. It's sooo funny how Bleu got home to see you early, he's so sweet! I'm glad you guys were together for christmas. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Bleu and Mickaela said...

You guys make me cry. Thanks so much for all of the love and support you give me. I really think that I wouldn't be able to do this without you behind me. I love you so much and I wish that I could be closer to everyone, especially when Bleu is gone. Thanks again for everything.

muumar said...

I agree with everyone. Mickaela, I have been so impressed with the love and compassion I witnessed in you with the kids at the Learning Center. You are amazing, I know you will be able to handle anything that comes alone. He will be so beautiful and we will all learn from you and love him with all our hearts. Just like we love you and Bleu.

Tweena, Cheena, Whatever... said...

You are such a strong mother. I'm so proud of you. I'm glad you are taking every precaution to make sure your baby is okay. Your doing a great job and that baby has been blessed with you as strong parents that will love him no matter what. Even when He's in his terrible 2's doing little hellion stuff! Please don't name him yellow. Thats more of a neutral name. Then it will confuse him. haha!kidding!